Up until three years ago I was working at a local hospital in their medical records department. It was an incredible job. I worked at a small satellite hospital in Lake Placid, New York, and I was the only one in the entire department! The main medical records department was located in the main hospital twenty minutes away. I had my own private office away from the hustle and bustle of the clinic and ER and was literally on my own. Now, anyone who has worked in a busy office setting knows what a privilege it is to be able to work without the stress of a boss hovering over your shoulder. I was able to work at my own pace, and literally come and go as I pleased. It was a great job that I loved and I am still grateful for the time I worked there, but that all changed when I had a health scare.
I had developed this excruciating pain in my left calf and it never stopped. This went on for a couple of weeks before I sought a medical opinion. (I know...I should have gone sooner...) After an ultrasound I was told that I had a blood clot in my leg. Very scary to hear. I was sent right back to my doctor's office and given a shot of blood thinner in my stomach. Not so much fun, but the best was yet to come. I was then told that until the pill form of the blood thinner kicked in, I would have to give myself a shot every day at home. What? Did I hear that right, I asked. Now, here's the thing, I said. I have had a life long terror of anything remotely resembling a needle going into a person. I had fainted dead away on several occasions just watching my brothers get shots when I was a child, and even as an adult I had passed out, while sitting in a chair no less, while receiving a needle in the arm. I had finally figured out that if I just didn't look at the needle going in, I was alright. Well, now they were telling me that I would have to give myself a shot in the stomach once a day for probably several days. Uhhh....This was not happening!
It is amazing what we humans are capable of doing when we really have to. The next thing I knew I was in the room with a very patient nurse and she was teaching me how to give myself the shots. People always ask me why they would make a patient give them self a shot instead of coming in to the office. I think it is probably because of the distance and the fact that they felt I was capable of doing it myself. I live forty minutes from the clinic and it really would have been inconvenient for me to drive there every day. So, there I was learning how to do it myself. It still amazes me that I did it for four days straight! I did overcome my fear of needles and it has not returned. So, I am a stronger person because of an unexpected event in my life. It took a few weeks for the pain to stop and when I had a repeat ultrasound it showed no sign of the blood clot. I was very lucky.
Of course I was out of work for a short time because of this and severe knee pain from a very damaged knee joint. Unfortunately while I was out they decided that maybe they didn't need me over there by myself and I was told that I would be moving to the main hospital to work when I came back. Well, this was very upsetting to me because, first of all, it is another twenty-five minutes added onto my daily drive. Anyone who has visited Lake Placid knows that a daily drive in the winter is a dangerous thing in those mountains. Anyway, after some consideration, I decided that I did not want to return to work under those conditions. I was fortunate in that I was able to be out on disability for some time and in that time I figured out how I could stay home a little longer. So here I am, still enjoying my semi-forced, semi-retirement-disability.
I have to say, this has been the most relaxing and enlightening time of my life. I am not used to not working. I have worked non stop (except for a year off when I had my daughter) since I graduated from high school, and every summer before that from the age of fourteen. This time off has enabled me to read every day and dive into researching the subjects that really interest me that I want to learn about. I have always been interested in health and diet. Not always in a good way though. Growing up I was obsessed with losing weight. My family starting hinting that I needed to lose some weight when I was about twelve years old. The thing I remember hearing the most in reference to that was "you would be so pretty if you would just lose a little bit of weight". I know that they were saying it with love, but it always made me feel like I wasn't good enough the way I was. I realize that they thought that I could not be happy in my life unless I looked good. What a terrible message to pass onto a young girl, or anyone! They just didn't get how bad that made me feel. As a result of that I had no self confidence when I was younger.
Over the years I have been on every diet imaginable, and spent thousands of dollars on special foods and exercise equipment. Each time I lost weight, I gained it all back and then some when I went "off" the diet. I would simply go back to eating the way I ate before the "diet". I continued to gradually gain weight each year until I was so desperate that I had Gastric Bypass Surgery done in 2008. It was a major operation in which they bypassed a large section of my intestines and connected a much smaller version of my stomach to shorter intestines so that I could not eat as much food and what I did eat was not as easily absorbed by my body. Pure insanity! I thought about having that surgery for years before I did it and finally did it as a last resort. I did lose 200 pounds in the following 2 years, but even after that I gained back 60 pounds of it. I have maintained close to the same weight for a few years now, but I was still not happy.
I was still working like crazy and taking care of everything for my husband and daughter and not taking care of myself. Then one day it hit me. What happens when I am so sick from not taking care of me that I can't take care of them anymore? The way I was living was more insanity! I went on my computer and started doing what I call my "research". I grew up with a mother and grandmother who were very interested in health foods and vitamins, back in a time before many people were into that. Now it has become the popular thing to do, but they were reading about it and doing it years ago. I can remember going to the mysterious Mr. Hodas's house in Toms River with my mother or my grandmother to buy homemade organic bread and brown eggs. Brown eggs! None of my friends ate brown eggs! We also used raw, unrefined sugar and whole wheat flour. They really were ahead of their time! Mr. Hodas lived on a small farm right on Route 9 and was quite the odd fellow. I often wondered how my grandmother had met him. He wasn't like anyone else I knew of. He also sold vitamins which my mother was always trying to make up take.
I was always so interested in it all. I knew in my head that they had something there, but I wasn't able to put it all together and change the way that I ate. I never forgot it though, and when I finally had all the time in the world to dive into it head first, that's exactly what I did. I started reading everything I could find about eating a plant based diet, because that was what I felt was the healthiest way to go. Believe me there is plenty out there these days! It seems that it is the coolest new way to eat. It certainly is the smartest as far as I am concerned.
It is awesome how our minds can influence our health. Everything that I had been doing to damage my body and my health over the years came about because of the way I thought. I thought that I was supposed to eat a certain way, like the rest of my family ate. I thought that my "will power" should be strong enough to resist eating too many sweets. I thought that I should be willing and able to exercise every day and stay fit. I thought that being thin would make me happy. How wrong I was.
I have undertaken an amazing journey. It will hopefully lead me to the rest of my life as it should be. We shall see in the coming months!
I would love to hear any comments you would like to leave below. Thanks for reading my post!
Peace & Good Health,
Laurie
Laurie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with me and others..my struggles are pretty much the same. You've made me stop and think, and think again. I look forward to reading more! Take care and be safe.
Laurie W.Morris