Autumn Awakening

This is by far my favorite time of the year. There is nothing more beautiful than the Adirondack Mountains in the fall. Living in the mountains is a different experience in itself. The weather is very unpredictable, with changes on the hour sometimes, and not always for the better! Although it means the end of summer, it is still a time I always look forward to. The change in the clouds, that chill in the air, and the amazing changing of the leaves. It is just indescribable.

Besides the awesome mood that the fall puts me in, it always makes me want to travel. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. There is just something in the change of weather and scenery that makes me want to hit the road. Road trip! It seems that every time I have moved to a different part of the country it was in the fall. First to Colorado. That was in September. Then to Florida. That was in September too! And now here I am in this gorgeous place that I love so much. I know that I will always miss the beach and have a need to be there at least some of the time, but I have grown to love the mountains so much. I really just can't imagine living anywhere else.

So, in this season that I treasure and look forward to each year, I am starting anew. I signed up for a 6 week online course in meditation and spirituality that I can't wait to start. It is with the renowned Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California (of course, right!) and is being taught by a wonderful teacher with years of experience. I have also started walking again. Not too far yet, but it's a start! What's that saying, just put one foot in front of the other and do it! Also, as usual, I am still struggling with my food intake, but you know what....I am just going to stop worrying about it and obsessing about it so much. I will take each day and live it fully. I will try to be the best person I can be and so be it. 

Also, I am reading some great books. The chilly fall weather is a great time to snuggle up with a warm blanket and a terrific book! So here's hoping that you all have a wonderful autumn and enjoy each day and stay happy and healthy!

Peace and Happiness,

Laurie

Wellness Reviewed-The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

I'm back! I have not written a post in quite a while. Whether or not anyone has even noticed is of no concern to me, really. You see, I admit that I do this for myself. If along the way what I write is helpful or encouraging to anyone, that is just a wonderful added bonus. I want to believe that I am a selfless, caring person who puts everyone else's needs before my own, but I'm thinking that's not really the truth...And if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that the truth really will set you free. So here goes....

I have just re-read all of the posts that I have written so far. I have to admit that I was impressed! When I was much younger (We are talking high school here people...) I loved to write. I wrote poems, stories and even my feelings about what was happening in my life at the time. English was always my favorite subject and I always loved to read. Over the years life interrupted. I no longer thought I had time to write. Perhaps it was just what I needed, more than ever, but I didn't realize it at the time.

Fast forward to the present. We really don't need to rehash all that stuff in the past again do we? So moving forward is the way to go. What I realized as I was reading what I had written is that I was in a pretty good place thought wise. What I wrote made sense, to me anyway, and I really do believe in what I wrote about. The thing is, a person can be in a pretty good place one day and a not so good place the next. I am not saying that I totally lost it and started eating meat again. No sir! I have continued to abstain from all meat. In fact, I have been eating healthier than ever. I am eating a large salad everyday along with my green smoothie and other healthy concoctions. I have been meditating for the past five weeks daily and have tried to keep at least slightly active along the way. Slightly means just walking with no real form of organized exercise, but hey, it's what I can do right now and that's ok. So, as of right now, I am back in a pretty good place. Now here comes the truth part....

Back about a month and a half ago, I was not in such a great place. I was still abstaining from meat, but I was also back into the sugar. Remember what I wrote about my battle with the Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream? Well, this time around, I lost the battle. Since that happened it has been harder than ever to come to grips with it again...The fact that I am probably forever addicted to sugar and each time I slip and overeat sugary products, I will fall flat on my face again for a while. The funny thing about this time though is that even though I slipped (and in doing so, put back on six pounds...) it was not for as long a time as in the past. I was totally aware of what I was doing each step of the way. I realized that the minute I gave into that craving for ice cream I would be feeling sick to my stomach (a result of the gastric bypass surgery I had 6 years ago...) and depressed because I was a failure. Now I know that failure is a strong word, but I am sometimes very hard on myself. Since my slip up, I have had good days and bad days. Lately though there have been more good days than bad and I am grateful for that. The main thing that doing my meditation each day has taught me is that the past is the past and the future, of course, has not happened yet, so all we really have is the present. Just the fact that I was able to stop and think about how I would feel after I ate the ice cream is a great improvement for me! I guess that might sound strange, but I am usually not as thoughtful before I give in to a sugar craving. By just slowing down and realizing what the result might be if I ate it was monumental for me.

By taking time to think about how great I feel when I eat healthy compared to how not great I feel when I eat crap, I am moving forward in the right direction. Be it ever so slowly, I am coming to grips with the fact that I am just a not-so-perfect human being. Yes there will be good days, but somewhere in there will be the bad ones too, and I am ok with that. I really am.

Peace & Love Within Yourself

Laurie





Please feel free to leave a comment below! (If there is anyone out there....)

How To Stop Being A Victim

"Stop being a victim and thinking that life happens to you. You have the strength to change anything in your life. If you don't like something then get up your courage and change it. You are more powerful than you think you are. To make changes in your life you have to be truly ready and willing." I read this quote somewhere and I really liked it. I liked it so much that I wrote it down and put it on a sticky note and saved it. I thought it would inspire me to do better.

Hmm....Sounds good, right? Then why has it taken me so many years to get to this point. Why did I insist on making the same mistakes over and over again without learning the obvious lesson to be learned. I believe it was the part about being truly ready and willing that had me a bit confused. You see in order to move forward successfully one has to leave the past behind. Not drag it along with you like a ball and chain.

Change is life. Everything changes from moment to moment, but when you are unwilling to move along and change with it you remain stuck. Stuck in the same place you were in ten years ago. My life seemed to be a series of repeats. I would try to be strong and change the way I was doing things and for a while it would work. Eventually though I would always end up back at the same spot again.

In the past two years I have gone through some drastic changes in my life. They are what I consider to be permanent changes. The most drastic is the way I now eat. I have not eaten much meat for years now, but I don't eat any at all anymore. I consider this a permanent change because the way I think about it has changed to the point that I am absolutely unable to eat meat. I have certain thoughts about it that enable me to do this without any problem at all. The other change is I refuse to do anything that will make me very unhappy while I am doing it. This includes jobs, doing things for other people, anything that just doesn't feel right in my gut. I have no problem doing something that I don't feel like doing as long as it is being done for the right reason. Such as, to help someone. I just refuse to be used by anyone.

The other thing I have stopped doing is feeling sorry for myself. Granted I never did too much of that anyway, but I did it enough. Instead of wondering why I could never stick to whatever new diet was out there to try, I researched until I found the right fit for me. Then I pushed forward and did it. No wishy, washy reasons why I couldn't do it. I just did it because I knew it was the right thing for me. Let's face it, I was finally ready to change. Ready and willing. I was ready to let go of all the reasons that I couldn't do it and grab onto the reasons I needed to do it. All the right reasons.

Sometimes a person can think too much about why he or she does things. Sometimes it really is better to just go ahead and do it. (Hence the famous Nike saying....) Dwelling too long on all the reasons you can't do something just gives you more time to come up with other reasons not to do it. So next time you know for sure that what you are doing is not working, close your eyes for a few minutes and try to picture the way you want it to be instead. If what you see is what you truly want deep in your gut, then go for it! Take a giant leap forward and hang on for dear life. Don't look back, no matter how much you may want to. There are great things ahead for you! All you have to do is know for sure that you deserve it.



Peace & Good Luck,

Laurie

Winning The Sugar War

I did it. I won the mental battle against the Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. It was, however, not an easy win. I came as close as standing there staring at it with wanton lust. For those of you who think that is an extreme way to describe it, listen up. I looked it up in the dictionary and wanton means unrestrained, careless and without regard for what is right. Lust means (Among other things...) uncontrolled, intense appetite. Now you tell me, is that a perfect description or what?

Those of you who share my weakness for all that is sugar and sweetness can relate I'm sure. There were times in the past when I have literally counted pennies just to get a candy bar or ice cream sundae. And the worst part of that is it doesn't stop after one slip. For me, if I had one, I wanted another. And another. And another. That craving never seemed to go away. But guess what-it does go away! No, you can't change your thought patterns completely and banish the thoughts of ice cream forever. Yes, you will still have to be around someone eating ice cream at some point in your life. You can however make it manageable. I found that the longer I went without sugar in my diet, the less I craved it. Eventually, in about two weeks I would say, the physical craving was gone. I say physical because that part of it is very real. Once all traces of the refined bad guy were out of my system I no longer had the highs and lows that accompany crazy glucose levels.

Now when I say no refined sugar, I mean pretty much none. This includes anything white. White bread, white flour, white sugar. All that stuff just turns to sugar inside you. I also became a label reader. There are so many different names for sugar today that I could never list them all. My suggestion is that you check out what they are and keep a list handy. There are some great apps out there with this type of information and some are free. The physical craving is not all you have to deal with though.

For me the toughest thing about giving up sugar was the mental part of it. You have heard the saying "comfort food"? Well, that pretty much describes anything high in sugar calories for me. Talking about my childhood will more than likely bring back certain memories for me. Unfortunately a lot of those memories surround tables of food. I grew up in a close knit Irish-Italian family that sort of revolved around food. I say that with lots of love. I had the best childhood anyone could have and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. When I think of all the holidays and birthdays that we spent together I also think of all the cakes, cookies, breads, appetizers and main dishes we shared. There was always so much food. Way too much food, really! It was like a small army would be joining us only they never showed up. Maybe it came from a time when my grandparents were young and there wasn't always enough to eat. Maybe instilled somewhere inside my grandmother's head was the thought that there would not be enough for everyone, so she always made extra. Then she passed that mind set on to her daughter and son, and they in turn passed it on, and so on. And then it got to me.

It is amazing how hard it is to break patterns of thought that were put there when you were a child. It's really got to be the hardest thing I have had to do on this journey. To somehow disassociate food with love is a tough call. Somehow I had to replace my love for food with my love for myself. I had to love myself enough to do the right thing for myself.  That my friends is not always easy. I needed to learn to put my health first, before the desires of my loved ones. I had to convince myself that I was worth all this trouble and I had to fight for the right to do it. Most of us women have spent years taking care of others, be it husbands, children, older parents, or sometimes even strangers. Many times we come last and it is time, I tell you, to put ourselves first. I deserve to be healthy and happy just as much as anyone else does.

Having come to that conclusion I would encourage you to really listen to your heart and soul on this one. It takes a lot of daily work for me to remember how special I am. That's right I said it. I am special! Shout it from the rooftops. Well, maybe we don't have to go that far. Maybe just saying it out loud to ourselves or writing it down or meditating about it would be enough. It's up to us each to figure out what works best for us and then follow through with it. I have gone on and off more diets than I can count, and it took me this long to figure out that there really is no such thing as going on and off a diet. It is a myth. The reality is that the only thing that really works is to listen to ourselves, to our own bodies and then give it what it needs to be healthy. Then stick to it. Each day. One day at a time. Start with simple changes and go from there. Eventually the mental part will fall in line with the physical part. When that starts to happen it can be amazing. Just try it. Do it for yourself.


Peace & Courage,

Laurie

Baby Steps

I just got a text from my oldest and dearest friend in New Jersey. She told me that she had read about some of the changes I wrote about here. The one she mentioned was waking up to warm lemon water with cayenne pepper. Not sure that she is willing to swap her beloved coffee for spicy lemon water yet! Well, I have a confession to make. I am still drinking coffee in the morning. Yes, it's true. I. Am. Not. Perfect. I am however making progress and moving in a forward direction. I used to drink four or five cups of coffee every morning. Now I drink one or two and my warm, spicy lemon juice! Baby steps people. Baby steps. I figure that as long as I am not going backwards I am doing alright.

One thing I notice about some people is that they are short on patience. I think that as I have gotten older I have become more patient. Not only with other people and situations, but with myself. I am learning to be gentle with myself and give myself the time I need to make changes in my life. To do this I need to have a certain amount of self confidence. I need to realize that I am capable of making changes. I have just as much worth as all those people out there who I see changing their life habits for better, healthier ones. We are, each one of us, worth the trouble. After all, what is more important than our own health? Without it we probably won't be here for long, and I for one am still curious about what lies around the next corner.

Peace & Healthiness,

Laurie

Just A Quick Note

Since I am still experimenting with this blog stuff, I hope you will be patient with me. I thought that when I read something that I think is interesting about food I would post a link to the article and share it with you. As I said in my first post, this is a journey for me and I am happy to have whoever is interested follow along. Do not expect perfection though. It will be a learning experience for me and for anyone who chooses to tag along.

I thought I might mention some ways that I start my day. I used to just bolt out of bed and hurry, hurry, hurry up until the time I walked out the door on my way to work. My mornings are much different now.

1. The first thing I do when I open my eyes is become aware of my breathing. I sometimes wake with a sinus type headache and I have found that if I do some conscious breathing it can relieve it. Here is a link to a web site that explains it better than I can. The whole idea of the breathing first thing, to me anyway, is to just make myself stop and just be still before I start the day. It is my time to pray.
2. The next thing that I plan to start doing in this slot of time is to do some simple meditation. This sounds like it should be so easy, but it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. To completely clear one's mind of every thought is not that simple, but it is something that I am working towards. Try this it might help if you are interested in trying it.
3. Ok now this one I have not tried yet but I keep reading about it on almost every health and wellness site that I visit. It is the practice of drinking warm water with lemon and cayenne pepper each morning to aid in the digestion of food. The web site that this link is for is a really fun, inspirational site. Check it out! I'm sure you will find something of interest.

Well, so much for my quick little note! Just wanted to share that. It all sounded so strange and impossible when I first started doing some of this stuff but you know what, the truth is that I really do feel better. And it didn't take long for me to notice a difference either. Within a few days of eating healthy I had stopped falling asleep every afternoon in my comfy chair. I was actually able to stay awake all day and feel good. I was not drop over tired all the time like I was. All I know is that if I can feel this much better in such a short time, imagine how great I will feel next year at this time! 

Until next time-----Think positive and be mindful of what you are eating. Is it going to nourish your body or is it just going to deplete it of more vitamins and minerals that you are much better hanging on to? Just stop and think about it.

Peace & Happiness,

Laurie

My Food Addiction

I have been having a very hard time trying to figure out what I want this blog of mine to be about. I started it with the idea that it would be simply for myself, to help me let out my feelings about things affecting my life. I guess I should start at the beginning of my journey to better health.

Up until three years ago I was working at a local hospital in their medical records department. It was an incredible job. I worked at a small satellite hospital in Lake Placid, New York, and I was the only one in the entire department! The main medical records department was located in the main hospital twenty minutes away. I had my own private office away from the hustle and bustle of the clinic and ER and was literally on my own. Now, anyone who has worked in a busy office setting knows what a privilege it is to be able to work without the stress of a boss hovering over your shoulder. I was able to work at my own pace, and literally come and go as I pleased. It was a great job that I loved and I am still grateful for the time I worked there, but that all changed when I had a health scare.

I had developed this excruciating pain in my left calf and it never stopped. This went on for a couple of weeks before I sought a medical opinion. (I know...I should have gone sooner...) After an ultrasound I was told that I had a blood clot in my leg. Very scary to hear. I was sent right back to my doctor's office and given a shot of blood thinner in my stomach. Not so much fun, but the best was yet to come. I was then told that until the pill form of the blood thinner kicked in, I would have to give myself a shot every day at home. What? Did I hear that right, I asked. Now, here's the thing, I said. I have had a life long terror of anything remotely resembling a needle going into a person. I had fainted dead away on several occasions just watching my brothers get shots when I was a child, and even as an adult I had passed out, while sitting in a chair no less, while receiving a needle in the arm. I had finally figured out that if I just didn't look at the needle going in, I was alright. Well, now they were telling me that I would have to give myself a shot in the stomach once a day for probably several days. Uhhh....This was not happening!

It is amazing what we humans are capable of doing when we really have to. The next thing I knew I was in the room with a very patient nurse and she was teaching me how to give myself the shots. People always ask me why they would make a patient give them self a shot instead of coming in to the office. I think it is probably because of the distance and the fact that they felt I was capable of doing it myself. I live forty minutes from the clinic and it really would have been inconvenient for me to drive there every day. So, there I was learning how to do it myself. It still amazes me that I did it for four days straight! I did overcome my fear of needles and it has not returned. So, I am a stronger person because of an unexpected event in my life. It took a few weeks for the pain to stop and when I had a repeat ultrasound it showed no sign of the blood clot. I was very lucky.

Of course I was out of work for a short time because of this and severe knee pain from a very damaged knee joint. Unfortunately while I was out they decided that maybe they didn't need me over there by myself and I was told that I would be moving to the main hospital to work when I came back. Well, this was very upsetting to me because, first of all, it is another twenty-five minutes added onto my daily drive. Anyone who has visited Lake Placid knows that a daily drive in the winter is a dangerous thing in those mountains. Anyway, after some consideration, I decided that I did not want to return to work under those conditions. I was fortunate in that I was able to be out on disability for some time and in that time I figured out how I could stay home a little longer. So here I am, still enjoying my semi-forced, semi-retirement-disability.

I have to say, this has been the most relaxing and enlightening time of my life. I am not used to not working. I have worked non stop (except for a year off when I had my daughter) since I graduated from high school, and every summer before that from the age of fourteen. This time off has enabled me to read every day and dive into researching the subjects that really interest me that I want to learn about. I have always been interested in health and diet. Not always in a good way though. Growing up I was obsessed with losing weight. My family starting hinting that I needed to lose some weight when I was about twelve years old. The thing I remember hearing the most in reference to that was "you would be so pretty if you would just lose a little bit of weight". I know that they were saying it with love, but it always made me feel like I wasn't good enough the way I was. I realize that they thought that I could not be happy in my life unless I looked good. What a terrible message to pass onto a young girl, or anyone! They just didn't get how bad that made me feel. As a result of that I had no self confidence when I was younger.

Over the years I have been on every diet imaginable, and spent thousands of dollars on special foods and exercise equipment. Each time I lost weight, I gained it all back and then some when I went "off" the diet. I would simply go back to eating the way I ate before the "diet". I continued to gradually gain weight each year until I was so desperate that I had Gastric Bypass Surgery done in 2008. It was a major operation in which they bypassed a large section of my intestines and connected a much smaller version of my stomach to shorter intestines so that I could not eat as much food and what I did eat was not as easily absorbed by my body. Pure insanity! I thought about having that surgery for years before I did it and finally did it as a last resort. I did lose 200 pounds in the following 2 years, but even after that I gained back 60 pounds of it. I have maintained close to the same weight for a few years now, but I was still not happy.

I was still working like crazy and taking care of everything for my husband and daughter and not taking care of myself. Then one day it hit me. What happens when I am so sick from not taking care of me that I can't take care of them anymore? The way I was living was more insanity! I went on my computer and started doing what I call my "research". I grew up with a mother and grandmother who were very interested in health foods and vitamins, back in a time before many people were into that. Now it has become the popular thing to do, but they were reading about it and doing it years ago. I can remember going to the mysterious Mr. Hodas's house in Toms River with my mother or my grandmother to buy homemade organic bread and brown eggs. Brown eggs! None of my friends ate brown eggs! We also used raw, unrefined sugar and whole wheat flour. They really were ahead of their time! Mr. Hodas lived on a small farm right on Route 9 and was quite the odd fellow. I often wondered how my grandmother had met him. He wasn't like anyone else I knew of. He also sold vitamins which my mother was always trying to make up take.

I was always so interested in it all. I knew in my head that they had something there, but I wasn't able to put it all together and change the way that I ate. I never forgot it though, and when I finally had all the time in the world to dive into it head first, that's exactly what I did. I started reading everything I could find about eating a plant based diet, because that was what I felt was the healthiest way to go. Believe me there is plenty out there these days! It seems that it is the coolest new way to eat. It certainly is the smartest as far as I am concerned.

It is awesome how our minds can influence our health. Everything that I had been doing to damage my body and my health over the years came about because of the way I thought. I thought that I was supposed to eat a certain way, like the rest of my family ate. I thought that my "will power" should be strong enough to resist eating too many sweets. I thought that I should be willing and able to exercise every day and stay fit. I thought that being thin would make me happy. How wrong I was.

I have undertaken an amazing journey. It will hopefully lead me to the rest of my life as it should be. We shall see in the coming months!

I would love to hear any comments you would like to leave below. Thanks for reading my post!



Peace & Good Health,

Laurie